A link lost forever

 

She was my link to a fascinating time in my country’s history. She had been a witness to the freedom struggle, and to my pride and delight, also a humble participant in it. That connected me irrevocably to a glorious era of great men and women who selflessly gave their all to win independence for our land. She had seen it all, and through her, I felt that I had been a witness to it too. Her vivid descriptions would stir my imagination and her stories of the pre-1947 days would never fail to intrigue me, no matter how many times she narrated them. I would take great pride in telling my classmates that my grandmother had met many of the heroes of the independence struggle that most had only read about in textbooks.

I went through a whole range of emotions that I felt for her at different stages of my life – the awe as a young child turned into a slight wariness of her strict discipline and then the proverbial generation gap as a teenager. As an adult, I may not have agreed with her on most topics but I could never discount her opinion – she always made me stop and think. I would always know whether or not she would approve of a situation and anticipating her reaction would make me smile. But what remained unchanged were the enthralling narrations of a bygone age that would spill into politics, philosophy, psychology, current affairs and what have you.

Its therefore more than a personal loss that I feel today. It’s as if I have lost a slice of history – a valuable connection with a celebrated past. Although the direct link is unfortunately no more, her voice will forever remain strong in my memories as will the most precious takeaway of our times together – an endearing interest in people and a compelling passion to share and discuss everything under the sun.

R.I.P. Aaji.

Is the internet a bane to good parenting?

 

Defining what’s right and what’s not is not always as simple as it sounds. There are myriad layers of reality and situations depending on individuals, their capabilities, interpretations and perspectives. Therefore evaluating a person or situation based purely on popular notions may not often be the best way to judge either.

In our modern world, one of the biggest challenges to parenting has been posed by the ubiquitous internet – the great web of information that has irreversibly altered the way we see our world. While it comes with a plethora of advantages and conveniences there are very real dangers that lurk just beneath that can threaten the safety and wellbeing of our children, not to mention expose them to content that is ugly and inappropriate for their age. Much has been rehashed about this topic by alarmed parents who would do all they can to steer their kids away from the potential dangers and improper influences that the virtual world could expose them to, and understandably so.

So what is my stand on this topic – as a mother of two young girls – one just entering her teens and the other on the threshold of adulthood? While I am all for safeguarding the privacy and wellbeing of the child on the internet, do I really support constant policing of each and every online activity that my child engages in? Are we being too simplistic when we blame the internet for spoiling our children? And are we being too judgmental when we label parents and children as being too free, based on what they watch on the internet?

Technology is going to outpace us and will continue to spring new surprises on every generation of parents and children. These are challenges that will never cease and parenting will forever reel under the stress of the tug of war between the old and the new. We cannot really shut the doors of technology on our children nor is it possible to monitor every browsing activity especially when it comes to older children – those in their late teens. Forbidding them from watching shows that we believe are inappropriate would only serve, in my opinion, to heighten their curiosity and may even encourage them to be furtive about it.

What can come to our rescue are solid values and good old trust. Parenting is an ongoing process – it is all about keeping communication channels open, it is all about discussions, about reading together, having fun together and letting your children know that no matter what, you will stand by them. It is also about allowing them to make choices as they grow older, about respecting their privacy (within reasonable limits of course) and about letting them take responsibility for their decisions (again in moderation). It is about being vigilant to their mood swings and in tune with the slightest changes in their behaviour. Most of all it is about instinct –that gut feeling that tells you more about your child than any psychological theories can.

It is these values that have held me in decent stead (or so I believe) as a parent – and a working one at that. With spending so many hours away from home, supervising the internet has never been an option. Neither has blocking the children from using it. So do I come in the category of parents that have raised children with too much freedom? And would it be correct to assume that children who have been raised without strict adult controls would necessarily go astray and lose all focus about their future?

I think it is time we let go of superficial assumptions of morality and understand that the root cause of the problem is not the technology but the lack of connection, communication and a sound value system. Once these have been put in place, I am convinced that no force in the universe can shake can shake that foundation.

Again – its only a gut feeling ….

 

Temples of learning or cradles of treason?

 

My take on the JNU row in India

Patriotism has become a complicated word today. In much the same way as nationalism has become an outdated concept – neither intellectual nor glamorous enough to be espoused by a certain category of scholars and academia. Under the garb of high-flown statements and using the rhetoric of democracy, what is being challenged is our very nationhood and its sovereignty.

It’s a shame that some of our students and universities take pride in asserting a brand of freedom of expression that reeks of betrayal and sows seeds of discord. Shouting anti-national slogans and showing solidarity with those convicted of terrorism by the Supreme Court of the land is certainly not the way to conduct “debates” and hold “cultural” gatherings. Democracy gives you the right to speak against the government but not against the country. Voices raised in dissent can be tolerated but not voices that wish to destroy the very soil that nurtured them. And if this sounds like emotional drama – so be it. Sentimental patriots are far better for our country than ruthless “intellectuals” spewing hatred without a shred of remorse or sensitivity.

I do not see any two ways about this. All freedom comes with a sense of responsibility and is bound by ideological limitations that cannot be violated. Our constitution grants us the right to express and question but never to breach the threshold that can threaten the integrity of our nation. The constitution was formed not only to protect the rights of the individual but also to safeguard the honour of our country as a whole. Any infringement to that honour amounts to treason and I believe that measures to curb such activity are totally justified.

No university in the world would allow anti-national uprisings within its precincts – and that too in the name of democracy. And here we are, reluctant to hoist the tricolor at our temples of learning, as the flag would represent conflicting ideas to confused minds – while being a symbol of pride towards our motherland, it would also be a mute witness to the mindless agitations carried out to defile it.

Nothing can be simpler than this – no ideals, principles, doctrines or religions supersede the country and her integrity. Any individuals who want to challenge this cannot live on this soil. By all means go ahead and debate about the concept of capital punishment. But those insensitively supporting convicted terrorists and swearing to destroy the motherland do not deserve to be citizens of this country.

Honestly, I don’t understand what the argument is all about – am glad my simple definition works for me.

A pot-pourri of cultures

 

Being a foreigner in a country often makes you more receptive, heightening your sensitivity to your surroundings and the people you are amidst. The mind hungrily laps up everything it encounters only to chew upon it later and draw impressions that become foundations of your rapport with the new land. Separated from the motherland by thousands of miles, not only do we begin to view things with a new perspective and realise that there are two sides to every coin, but we also learn to value basic aspects about our own culture whose importance we had never quite understood all these years.

A casual conversation with an office colleague fuelled a volley of thoughts in my head, compelling me to ponder about human relationships and concepts like money and independence. While out on my fifteen-minute break from work, I took a seat on the bench outside the office and was soon joined by another member of our team, also out on his break. A young boy, who had just entered his twenties, this was his first real job, he said. He reached into his bag for a box of muffins and helped himself to one. His mother had made two tray full of muffins to take along to her workplace but he and his friends had unknowingly polished most of them off, much to her astonishment on seeing the empty molds. This is a common scenario in every household – especially ones with ever-hungry teenagers always on the hunt for finger foods to tuck into. I smiled as a myriad childhood memories flooded my mind, of times we had sneaked in to “steal” and devour delicious eats that my mother had painstakingly made… that were meant to be hidden from us until after the guests had left.

It was what he said then, that pulled me out of my reverie and set off a chain of thoughts that forced me to contemplate on life itself. “I paid my mom the exact price for the box of muffins – so it’s all fair and square now”, he said nodding with satisfaction, “I’m glad I could pay her with my own money!”

Now this was something we would never, in our wildest imaginations, have thought of doing – whether or not we were earning our “own” money. At most, we would have offered to do an errand to the shops and fetch a box of cupcakes for her to take to work, to save her the bother of stepping out, or promised to pitch in and help her make more muffins. But paying one’s mother for having dug into food seemed such a clinical response to me, a strange way to “compensate.” Did not such an act take away all the warmth from the relationship or was I reading too much into a simple incident?

In retrospect, this episode made me stumble upon the most basic difference between the east and west. It was all about being exacting, measured and individualistic as against the inclusive cultures that dominate the eastern school of thought. In the west, it is the individual that is the unit- which is why people learn to be financially independent at an early age and understand the wisdom in disconnecting finances from relationships.

I guess that is why the east and west are intrinsically different in their approach to life in general. Maybe there is no right or wrong, it’s just a matter of outlook.

Entity

 

One look at me is all they need
To assume and to believe
There’s not enough of me
The flaw is obvious, “you’re so short”, they all agree!

It’s such a glaring defect that little else counts.
The deception is unanimous; it’s the appearance that is paramount
It’s only the perfect body that can house a perfect mind
The lack of inches invariably mirror an intellect unrefined!

Strange are the ways of the world, its attitudes warped
For things beyond our control we are summed up and marked
We’re kinder to beauty nothing lesser stands a chance
We only see what the eyes behold; seldom do we cast another glance!

Conditioned by norms and fuelled by nonchalance
Sitting pretty in our perfections, ensconced in our arrogance
We speak our mind with blatant insensitivity
Blurring the line between assumption and clarity!

Who then is flawed – the beholder or the beheld?
One who only lacks the inches or the one who lacks the sense?
What’s more important – the perfection of the body or that of the mind?
The vision to transcend the shortcomings, or a stunted view that misses the essence?

Man-made yardsticks can never measure my worth
Nor can my shortcoming become my identity
I’m liberating myself from the shackles of underestimation
To soar above the world, delve deeper into my soul and fathom my true entity!