We’re really all the same!

 

We paint goodness white and evil black
Black money, black sheep, black mail.
Just a colour – so much flak!
Through the millennia, across the world, this logic prevails
Our language colour-coded, just like our thoughts!

The colour of the skin speaks to us,
Not the heart, nor the eyes, least the soul.
We only see what’s most superfluous
Our minds are closed, our choices made;
Unaware that our judgement has totally misled us.

Why is it so easy to dismiss another,
And to think we’re better than the rest?
The colour of my skin decides my fate,
my race determines my worth, all else fails the test.
Were we born to slight each other thus?
And never think beyond our nest.

How about we raise the bar of our conscience
To confront our own demons, and accept our share of the blame?
Think before uttering an unfair word, discard mindless prejudice;
Refuse to be silent spectators playing along with the game.
Instead, put ourselves in others’ shoes, learn to feel their pain.
‘cos underneath the sun tan, we’re really all the same!

Moment

 

A dew drop of time that can hold an eternity within
That fleeting instant when bonds of a lifetime may begin;
Powerful enough to create memories to cherish
Yet so ethereal – in a flash they vanish.

Moments of laughter and sorrow, moments of fear and fun;
images from a reel like a dream well-spun.
It only takes a moment to trust and another to hope,
One fills you with warmth and the other helps you cope.

Capture it in a picture, or better still – hold it in your heart
But only the ones that in your smile put back the spark.
These building blocks of life, if filled with love and care
are ours to treasure, more precious than gems rarest of rare.

An unkind moment may occasionally cross your path,
Best to let it gently pass rather than give in to wrath.
Moments of compassion more important than being right,
Moments of letting grudges go better than holding on to them tight.

Too tiny to measure, delicate as a snowflake
Each one is unique, there is no second take;
Every moment well-lived creates an impact so profound,
Can make your spirits soar and spread positivity all around.

3 truths I gleaned from a great book

 

As we’re all coming to grips with being confined to our homes, life does have wonderfully strange ways of showing us the occasional silver lining, or at least presenting us with opportunities to create it for ourselves.

For me the silver lining has been to be able to catch up on my first love – reading. The commute-less days leave me with plenty of time and peace to curl up with a book and lose myself in another world. It’s an experience I treasure and one which perhaps I had lost much of a connection with during recent years, as I trudged through life’s mundane challenges.

The latest “treasure” that I had the good fortune of being introduced to by my daughter, is the book “Educated” by Tara Westover. While this isn’t a book review I am attempting to write, it’s more about what I took away from this memoir and from the interviews of the author about her work. There are some precious insights in there that are so valuable that I felt I just had to document them, although they have made an indelible impression on my mind and are a permanent addition to my repertoire of core beliefs and ideals.

To begin with a brief backdrop – the author grew up in a family adhering to a survivalist sect (in Idaho, U.S.) that believed in minimalistic living. This meant never getting the chance of a formal education, never availing the benefits of modern medicine and pretty much leading a predictable, isolated life tucked away from the rest of the world.

“Educated” is the author’s journey depicting her struggles and conflicts as she finally breaks free from that mold to take her first steps (at the age of seventeen) towards getting herself a formal education (finally culminating in a PhD from Cambridge University). What’s fascinating about this autobiography is not only the transformation that this journey brings about in the author, but the manner in which her sensitive mind understands some deeper truths that most of us who take our education for granted, often simply miss out on.

Truth # 1: Stop putting people into boxes

I doubt anyone of us can claim to be innocent of this trait. Tara Westover admits in each of her interviews, that during her initial days at the university, she still held the same prejudices about race, gender stereotypes and homophobia that she had been raised with. She cringes at the memory of the times when she had expressed her outdated opinions over casual conversations, but at the same time is grateful to friends who did not give up on her, countering her every argument with reason and logic until she could expand her mind to grow out of them.

Taking a look at this from another perspective, she also encountered religious bigots who although unflinching in their stance, demonstrated unusual levels of compassion and generosity that many modern and open-minded people may never have been capable of.

There is value in every person and individuals are too complex to be categorised based on their external and even internal traits.

Truth # 2: Reality is usually a far cry from our assumptions

If the human race understood this fact, the world would be a gentler, more peaceful place. The author talks about the rural-urban divide in the U.S. that is characterized by heaps of misinformation and ignorance about each by the other. Having been a part of both sides, she says that the way people in rural Idaho describe city dwellers and vice versa couldn’t in fact be farther away from the truth. Stereotypes are only a part and do not constitute the whole.

Drawing parallels to our world – how easily do we fall prey to prejudices about people from other ethnicities, religions or from “enemy countries”, and cling on to them as if our very lives and faith depended on those apprehensions and antipathies.

Beneath the layers of diverse cultural beliefs and traditions, we are essentially the same beings, driven by the same motivations, fuelled by the same feelings.

Truth # 3: The real meaning of education

It’s normal to get carried away while we try to define what being educated means. Does it only mean acquiring expertise in a field or knowing more about a particular topic than most of those around you? The author’s words from a recent interview sum it up beautifully when she describes education as the “spirit of enquiry”. Being educated is not so much about knowing a whole lot of things but more about trying to explore ideas alien to yours. It’s about viewing the world with an open mind, allowing your curiosity to broaden the horizons of your knowledge and having the grace and humility to accept different points of view.

The long and short of it: being truly educated necessarily means shedding every iota of arrogance and continuing to be a life-long seeker in the quest for knowledge.

Grateful to this silver lining – a great book that reconnected me with the three fundamental truths that are often forgotten in the hustle and bustle of daily living.

The wonderful trend of inclusive workplaces – an immigrant’s perspective

 

Inclusion and diversity are the new buzz words in the modern corporate world . Every employer vociferously emphasizes the importance of a heterogeneous workforce  where talent, expertise and character are the main attributes that determine the worth of an employee, and never their ethnicity.

What is truly commendable is that companies are doing the best they can to weave cultural diversity and equality into the very ethos of their daily interactions. This task isn’t easy, since it requires people in the top management to cast aside many personal prejudices, most of which have been too ingrained in their psyche as a result of societal mindsets passed down through generations and centuries. Fortunately, the attitudes are fast changing and more and more companies today are open enough to accept that stereotypes can be misleading and that reality may not conform to a set of fixed beliefs and impressions. 

The most obvious stereotype to be busted in recent years is that it is impossible for immigrants to possess anything but a working knowledge of the English language. It is extremely reassuring to notice that  inclusive and diverse workplaces display an enhanced awareness about the external world beyond one’s own limited sphere. 

Employers in the modern age are more in tune with international trends and acknowledge that having a non native English accent (American/Canadian, British, Australian…etc) does not affect one’s grammar and vocabulary and is not an indication of one’s ability to write and/or express themselves in English. It is common knowledge today that many of the top awards for English writing have been bagged by non-native speakers of English (Kiran Desai, Aravind Adiga, Arundhati Roy, Ben Okri – winners of the Booker Prize are just a few examples) and that a command over the English language is no longer a prerogative of individuals only from English speaking countries. It is heartening as an immigrant to work for companies that display the spirit of multiculturalism at its best. 

What I love about diverse workplaces is that they are open to dissimilarities in cultural norms  – where differences are perceived as strengths and not aberrations. They are all about celebrating what distinguishes people rather than trying to fit everyone into rigid, inflexible molds just because they have, up until now, been the only benchmarks considered to be of any value.

Our constantly changing world is giving way to constantly changing realities. Inclusion and diversity, in their truest sense means embracing these new realities by rising above outdated preconceptions. It means dissociating ability and talent from race, origin and appearance by obliterating the biases hidden within the deepest recesses of our subconscious minds. It means cultivating a discerning intellect that is as high on the emotional and human quotient as it is on skills and expertise. 

As businesses develop the newest strategies to outpace one another, companies that whole-heartedly join in this positive wave of change will be the ones to contribute with a flourish to furthering the true spirit of globalization. In return they will reap the rich benefits of having at their disposal, a diverse pool of human resources from every corner of the world, representing the collective talent of humanity as a whole.

The art of valuing an employee

 

First impressions work both ways. It’s a given that new employees are (often inadvertently) subject to not so subtle a scrutiny by employers and colleagues during the first couple of weeks of their joining. But what is often disregarded is the fact that employees too are judging the company minutely, and as exaggerated as it may sound, their collective impressions are going to shape its future.

I have always been particularly interested in the human element of any corporate business. Whether it is human resource, customer service, or talent acquisition & retention, it’s the intangible quality of the human element of organizations that fascinates me. Metrics fall short of measuring this attribute, yet it is this quality that proves to be the most accurate predictor of a company’s future success.

A warm and welcoming first day at work, friendly, approachable colleagues, a manager who has faith in my abilities, and senior staff that gives credit to my experience was what I encountered as a new hire at my current location. And I will take this opportunity to add that it has been my good fortune to have previously worked with employers who have always valued and appreciated my efforts. The mutual respect between us continues even today, years after I have moved on.

In my opinion, that is real success for any company – the fact that previous employees still vouch for an organization and speak with nostalgia about the time spent there. For all the material wealth a business may create, the goodwill that is generated between people far surpasses every other parameter of success.

As businesses strive to get ahead of their competition, drive more sales and generate greater profits, they need to focus on their most valuable resource – their employee. Investing in this resource is an everyday affair – it is a delicate rapport that is steadily built, bit by bit, at every interaction. At the heart of this rapport is trust, respect and a belief in the best that the employee can offer (unless absolutely proven otherwise). It involves casting aside preconceived notions and prejudices, valuing the differences and judging every individual as a unique entity.

The first few weeks in my new role have brought in a haul of positive impressions for me. As I dive headlong to work on my tasks with complete sincerity and integrity, I hope to achieve success and watch the company grow from strength to strength – both tangibly & intangibly.

Isn’t Santa for real?

 

For me the most endearing and enduring symbols of Christmas have been the Christmas tree, the stockings, Rudolph, and most of all, dear old Santa – plump and jovial, generous and kind. As a child, I enjoyed letting my imagination get the better of me and therefore readily believed in everything that seemed to make the world a more exotic place. So there was no doubt in my mind that Santa existed, as did fairies and elves, gnomes and witches. The only glitch was that he rarely visited our part of the world – we only read about him in books and got a glimpse of him on TV. That was another era – growing up in the seventies in India was quite different from what it is like today when Santa visits every mall, school and club carrying that huge bag of his, bursting with gifts.

As childhood gave way to teenage and then adulthood, logic and reason outpaced innocence. But the diehard romantic that I was, I never left my imagination far behind. I always knew that I would keep the legend of Santa Claus alive when I became a parent. And sure enough, I regaled both my little girls with heartwarming tales of fairies with their magic wands, of a fantastic world where nothing was impossible and of course – of good old Santa who came all the way from the North Pole with a special gift for every child in every home.

For as long as the magic of imagination and innocence worked, they would wake up every Christmas morning and excitedly look for Santa’s present. And I would be as excited as they were, delighted in their delight, warmed by their belief. As the years passed that conviction changed to a willing suspension of disbelief – my elder one had probably guessed the truth about who left the gifts there for them but she still played along for the sake of her younger sister. The years flew by and Santa eventually stopped visiting our home too.

Fast forward to modern times. I read about how some children were heartbroken and inconsolable upon suddenly learning one fine day that there really was no Santa. Wanting to spare their kids from this heartbreak, many parents were increasingly preferring to steer clear of the Santa myth altogether. My elder daughter, just out of her teens told me that most of her friends had never believed in Santa anyway, not even when they were little. When I quizzed my younger one (now a teenager) about it, she said she too hadn’t been taken in for too long. The truth had dawned on her even earlier than it had for her elder sister and that she too had kept playing along for a few years after that – for my sake. That was rather sweet of her, I think.

Sometime between now and when I was a little girl, the world has drastically changed. Reality has become virtual and we totally thrive in that deception, yet why are we no longer able to willingly suspend disbelief especially if it means adding an innocent joy to our life? Why is it all about being precise and accurate to the point of missing the point altogether? Why should the greeting switch from Merry Christmas to Happy Holidays depending on who you are saying it to?

Christmas to me will forever mean a special warmth in the cold December air, and Santa – the harbinger of joy and cheer. Reason, logic, faith and belief notwithstanding! I guess a part of me has never grown up – and am I glad about that!

New Year Resolutions – A Trip Down Memory Lane

 

New Year Resolutions are made only to be broken – so suggests my experience of more than four decades. Yet every 31st, most of us end up making one. It is perhaps the sheer exuberance of the atmosphere and the spirit of the fresh New Year standing at our doorstep, which infuses optimism into our already lightheaded (dare I say tipsy?) minds that we decide to give ourselves one more chance towards self enhancement. Before I take the “plunge” for the coming year, let me embark on a journey back in time and reminisce some of my previous New Year Resolutions and how long it was until they were abandoned.

The earliest resolution made by yours truly was as a determined ten year old sporting long waist length hair. My mother would lovingly oil and braid my hair in two plaits. I detested the oil but nothing would convince her otherwise. So I decided to take matters literally in my own hands by triumphantly announcing to mommy dear, one chilly New Year’s Eve that henceforth I would braid my own hair. She readily agreed, casting a very condescending look at me. My valiant, determined efforts continued for two whole days before the daily morning struggle cost me a missed school bus and a host of subsequent problems. Finally better (or worse) sense prevailed and mommy dear smiled knowingly as I reverted to my well oiled plaits!

My next resolution was as a just turned thirteen dreamy teenager. My parents had gifted me the book, ‘Diary of Anne Frank’ for my birthday. So swept off my feet was I after reading it , that I wanted to emulate her and thus sprang the resolution to maintain a diary. My crazy adolescent brains fantasised how one day my diary would win the Booker and make me famous. “Dream big! Nothing’s impossible – that’s what all great visionaries vouch for”, my dreamy mind told my even dreamier heart as I religiously poured out each day’s happenings and thoughts for as long as I could. As is inevitable, the dreaminess faded and gave way to practical reality and other worldly tensions (read studies) took much of my time and energies. Gradually the frequency of my diary writing diminished, much like all the exaggerated fantasies of ever bagging the Booker receded into the realm of impossibility.

There came many more after that, generated by an ever idealistic and optimistic mind – will never use plastic bags, will eat only healthy food and will keep mind and body fit by regular exercise and even meditation!! While the optimism continues, the resolutions have, sooner or later, met with the same fate as their predecessors.

Coming to the present, I certainly owe it to the spirit of the New Year and all that it symbolises, to make a fresh resolution. Let’s begin with learning to confront my fears – my phobia for driving for example and get that driving license this summer. But there is also a resolution on a wiser, more philosophical level – one that I have arrived at after four decades of experience. Strive to create happiness in my everyday life rather than trying to find it in imagined situations. Stay positive, love myself and be content with knowing what limitations I can and cannot transcend.

It’s just the first step but I really want this one to be for keeps!

The hijab wearing Barbie – a symbol of oppression or an expression of a liberated mind?

 

I chanced upon a Facebook post today about the launch of a hijab wearing Barbie and needless to say it has unleashed a barrage of animated responses. I avoid getting into any kind of Twitter or FB wars but the arguments sparked a debate in my mind as well.

Was the new Barbie glorifying what is widely believed to be a symbol of oppression? Or does it instead stand for values of acceptance and tolerance? Can we say with conviction that all women wearing the hijab are oppressed? Is liberation defined by what we wear or by the maturity of thoughts in our mind?

This could work both ways. It’s actually another example of how quickly we fall prey to stereotypes – external appearances have always determined how we perceive a person. This superficial evaluation only succeeds in misleading us and more often than not, in clouding our judgement. Yet we never learn.

We simply cannot assume that all women wearing the hijab are oppressed. It could be that they feel more comfortable wearing one as that may be the effect of the culture they have grown up in. If it is a choice that they have made for themselves, we must respect their freedom to exercise it without labelling them as regressive. Even if that choice has been the outcome of their upbringing, they are totally within their rights to adhere to a dress code they are familiar with.

But as I said it needs to work both ways if we want to create an atmosphere of harmony and empowerment. As long as the women wearing a hijab do not impose the same on their daughters and not even for a moment believe that their dress code is the only way that defines grace and dignity in a woman, they are completely justified in their choice.

Why not perceive the hijab as just a fabric covering the head – why must we classify a woman who wears it (or doesn’t) into a certain category?  Neither should the hijab stand for oppression nor should it be glorified as a measure of a woman’s decency or character. Neither should a hijab wearing woman be dismissed as submissive nor should a conventionally or unconventionally dressed woman be labelled as “immodest” or “provocative”. Why are we reducing a woman merely to the clothes she wears?

If we want true empowerment for women, it’s also we women who need to liberate ourselves from the temptation to assume. And why are we only singling out the hijab? What about the countless other stereotypes that abound about women, by women, among women? Even today in most of the Oriental cultures a “good” girl is one who knows how to cook and make perfectly round chapattis and any new bride that deviates from this is given a hard time by her own kind.

Leave the hijab wearing Barbie alone – let her attire be an example of our diversity as a race, an expression of our freedom to choose and of our liberated minds that are open and secular.

My rendezvous with a celestial spectacle

 

The thought of having been witness to a play of light and shadow at such a grand cosmic level is at once thrilling, awe-inspiring and humbling. What can be more astounding than to have celestial bodies, millions of kilometers apart demonstrate a simple principle just by conforming to basic rules of physics!

I think this is what is so truly fascinating about eclipses – they spur the imagination, inspire wonder and make us feel connected in an uncanny, bizarre way with the workings of the universe. We get to experience live the movement of the earth and the moon – it gives us a feeling of being completely in tune with the rhythm of the universe albeit for a brief span of time.

Although the moon obscuring the sun in totality would be one of the most breathtakingly beautiful sights to behold, I found myself strangely resigned at the prospect of watching the partial phenomenon. And it did not diminish any of the marvel or the awe – the excitement was palpable in each and every person present there, as people from diverse walks of life, of every hue and colour gathered in unbridled enthusiasm and waited patiently for their turn to use the special telescope.

Which brings me to another huge reason to absolutely love eclipses. In our modern world such phenomena bring people together like little else can as we unite with the common aim of being a spectator to a rare and magnificent occurrence. Few can remain unmoved and unaffected as our planet, star and satellite align themselves to create such a magical effect. Some perceive it as a divine miracle and others as a splendid astronomical event but no one can escape the excitement it triggers.

If only there were more occasions when humanity could unite under a common cause – bound by a compelling desire to discover, understand and experience nature in all her enigma and majesty – it might just make us a more humble and tolerant species.

On that thought – eagerly awaiting my next rendezvous!

A link lost forever

 

She was my link to a fascinating time in my country’s history. She had been a witness to the freedom struggle, and to my pride and delight, also a humble participant in it. That connected me irrevocably to a glorious era of great men and women who selflessly gave their all to win independence for our land. She had seen it all, and through her, I felt that I had been a witness to it too. Her vivid descriptions would stir my imagination and her stories of the pre-1947 days would never fail to intrigue me, no matter how many times she narrated them. I would take great pride in telling my classmates that my grandmother had met many of the heroes of the independence struggle that most had only read about in textbooks.

I went through a whole range of emotions that I felt for her at different stages of my life – the awe as a young child turned into a slight wariness of her strict discipline and then the proverbial generation gap as a teenager. As an adult, I may not have agreed with her on most topics but I could never discount her opinion – she always made me stop and think. I would always know whether or not she would approve of a situation and anticipating her reaction would make me smile. But what remained unchanged were the enthralling narrations of a bygone age that would spill into politics, philosophy, psychology, current affairs and what have you.

Its therefore more than a personal loss that I feel today. It’s as if I have lost a slice of history – a valuable connection with a celebrated past. Although the direct link is unfortunately no more, her voice will forever remain strong in my memories as will the most precious takeaway of our times together – an endearing interest in people and a compelling passion to share and discuss everything under the sun.

R.I.P. Aaji.

Is the internet a bane to good parenting?

 

Defining what’s right and what’s not is not always as simple as it sounds. There are myriad layers of reality and situations depending on individuals, their capabilities, interpretations and perspectives. Therefore evaluating a person or situation based purely on popular notions may not often be the best way to judge either.

In our modern world, one of the biggest challenges to parenting has been posed by the ubiquitous internet – the great web of information that has irreversibly altered the way we see our world. While it comes with a plethora of advantages and conveniences there are very real dangers that lurk just beneath that can threaten the safety and wellbeing of our children, not to mention expose them to content that is ugly and inappropriate for their age. Much has been rehashed about this topic by alarmed parents who would do all they can to steer their kids away from the potential dangers and improper influences that the virtual world could expose them to, and understandably so.

So what is my stand on this topic – as a mother of two young girls – one just entering her teens and the other on the threshold of adulthood? While I am all for safeguarding the privacy and wellbeing of the child on the internet, do I really support constant policing of each and every online activity that my child engages in? Are we being too simplistic when we blame the internet for spoiling our children? And are we being too judgmental when we label parents and children as being too free, based on what they watch on the internet?

Technology is going to outpace us and will continue to spring new surprises on every generation of parents and children. These are challenges that will never cease and parenting will forever reel under the stress of the tug of war between the old and the new. We cannot really shut the doors of technology on our children nor is it possible to monitor every browsing activity especially when it comes to older children – those in their late teens. Forbidding them from watching shows that we believe are inappropriate would only serve, in my opinion, to heighten their curiosity and may even encourage them to be furtive about it.

What can come to our rescue are solid values and good old trust. Parenting is an ongoing process – it is all about keeping communication channels open, it is all about discussions, about reading together, having fun together and letting your children know that no matter what, you will stand by them. It is also about allowing them to make choices as they grow older, about respecting their privacy (within reasonable limits of course) and about letting them take responsibility for their decisions (again in moderation). It is about being vigilant to their mood swings and in tune with the slightest changes in their behaviour. Most of all it is about instinct –that gut feeling that tells you more about your child than any psychological theories can.

It is these values that have held me in decent stead (or so I believe) as a parent – and a working one at that. With spending so many hours away from home, supervising the internet has never been an option. Neither has blocking the children from using it. So do I come in the category of parents that have raised children with too much freedom? And would it be correct to assume that children who have been raised without strict adult controls would necessarily go astray and lose all focus about their future?

I think it is time we let go of superficial assumptions of morality and understand that the root cause of the problem is not the technology but the lack of connection, communication and a sound value system. Once these have been put in place, I am convinced that no force in the universe can shake can shake that foundation.

Again – its only a gut feeling ….

 

Temples of learning or cradles of treason?

 

My take on the JNU row in India

Patriotism has become a complicated word today. In much the same way as nationalism has become an outdated concept – neither intellectual nor glamorous enough to be espoused by a certain category of scholars and academia. Under the garb of high-flown statements and using the rhetoric of democracy, what is being challenged is our very nationhood and its sovereignty.

It’s a shame that some of our students and universities take pride in asserting a brand of freedom of expression that reeks of betrayal and sows seeds of discord. Shouting anti-national slogans and showing solidarity with those convicted of terrorism by the Supreme Court of the land is certainly not the way to conduct “debates” and hold “cultural” gatherings. Democracy gives you the right to speak against the government but not against the country. Voices raised in dissent can be tolerated but not voices that wish to destroy the very soil that nurtured them. And if this sounds like emotional drama – so be it. Sentimental patriots are far better for our country than ruthless “intellectuals” spewing hatred without a shred of remorse or sensitivity.

I do not see any two ways about this. All freedom comes with a sense of responsibility and is bound by ideological limitations that cannot be violated. Our constitution grants us the right to express and question but never to breach the threshold that can threaten the integrity of our nation. The constitution was formed not only to protect the rights of the individual but also to safeguard the honour of our country as a whole. Any infringement to that honour amounts to treason and I believe that measures to curb such activity are totally justified.

No university in the world would allow anti-national uprisings within its precincts – and that too in the name of democracy. And here we are, reluctant to hoist the tricolor at our temples of learning, as the flag would represent conflicting ideas to confused minds – while being a symbol of pride towards our motherland, it would also be a mute witness to the mindless agitations carried out to defile it.

Nothing can be simpler than this – no ideals, principles, doctrines or religions supersede the country and her integrity. Any individuals who want to challenge this cannot live on this soil. By all means go ahead and debate about the concept of capital punishment. But those insensitively supporting convicted terrorists and swearing to destroy the motherland do not deserve to be citizens of this country.

Honestly, I don’t understand what the argument is all about – am glad my simple definition works for me.

A pot-pourri of cultures

 

Being a foreigner in a country often makes you more receptive, heightening your sensitivity to your surroundings and the people you are amidst. The mind hungrily laps up everything it encounters only to chew upon it later and draw impressions that become foundations of your rapport with the new land. Separated from the motherland by thousands of miles, not only do we begin to view things with a new perspective and realise that there are two sides to every coin, but we also learn to value basic aspects about our own culture whose importance we had never quite understood all these years.

A casual conversation with an office colleague fuelled a volley of thoughts in my head, compelling me to ponder about human relationships and concepts like money and independence. While out on my fifteen-minute break from work, I took a seat on the bench outside the office and was soon joined by another member of our team, also out on his break. A young boy, who had just entered his twenties, this was his first real job, he said. He reached into his bag for a box of muffins and helped himself to one. His mother had made two tray full of muffins to take along to her workplace but he and his friends had unknowingly polished most of them off, much to her astonishment on seeing the empty molds. This is a common scenario in every household – especially ones with ever-hungry teenagers always on the hunt for finger foods to tuck into. I smiled as a myriad childhood memories flooded my mind, of times we had sneaked in to “steal” and devour delicious eats that my mother had painstakingly made… that were meant to be hidden from us until after the guests had left.

It was what he said then, that pulled me out of my reverie and set off a chain of thoughts that forced me to contemplate on life itself. “I paid my mom the exact price for the box of muffins – so it’s all fair and square now”, he said nodding with satisfaction, “I’m glad I could pay her with my own money!”

Now this was something we would never, in our wildest imaginations, have thought of doing – whether or not we were earning our “own” money. At most, we would have offered to do an errand to the shops and fetch a box of cupcakes for her to take to work, to save her the bother of stepping out, or promised to pitch in and help her make more muffins. But paying one’s mother for having dug into food seemed such a clinical response to me, a strange way to “compensate.” Did not such an act take away all the warmth from the relationship or was I reading too much into a simple incident?

In retrospect, this episode made me stumble upon the most basic difference between the east and west. It was all about being exacting, measured and individualistic as against the inclusive cultures that dominate the eastern school of thought. In the west, it is the individual that is the unit- which is why people learn to be financially independent at an early age and understand the wisdom in disconnecting finances from relationships.

I guess that is why the east and west are intrinsically different in their approach to life in general. Maybe there is no right or wrong, it’s just a matter of outlook.

Entity

 

One look at me is all they need
To assume and to believe
There’s not enough of me
The flaw is obvious, “you’re so short”, they all agree!

It’s such a glaring defect that little else counts.
The deception is unanimous; it’s the appearance that is paramount
It’s only the perfect body that can house a perfect mind
The lack of inches invariably mirror an intellect unrefined!

Strange are the ways of the world, its attitudes warped
For things beyond our control we are summed up and marked
We’re kinder to beauty nothing lesser stands a chance
We only see what the eyes behold; seldom do we cast another glance!

Conditioned by norms and fuelled by nonchalance
Sitting pretty in our perfections, ensconced in our arrogance
We speak our mind with blatant insensitivity
Blurring the line between assumption and clarity!

Who then is flawed – the beholder or the beheld?
One who only lacks the inches or the one who lacks the sense?
What’s more important – the perfection of the body or that of the mind?
The vision to transcend the shortcomings, or a stunted view that misses the essence?

Man-made yardsticks can never measure my worth
Nor can my shortcoming become my identity
I’m liberating myself from the shackles of underestimation
To soar above the world, delve deeper into my soul and fathom my true entity!

It’s all about the sales – or is it?

 

“Get those sales guys – we have to hit today’s target. Everybody pitch hard and bring me the numbers!”

Does that have a familiar ring to it? Am sure it does, especially to all those working in direct sales, marketing or customer service roles. We have all, at some point or the other had our supervisors and team leaders “encourage” us to push the limits of our horizons and chase targets with a determined frenzy. If by God’s grace you do achieve the coveted sales– they top it off with “I’m so proud of you!”

Quantity has become synonymous with quality, profits with caliber and money with success. More often than not, the ends justify the means, and as long as the cash is flowing in, it little matters how it comes in. And if your methods fail to yield immediate gains, your capabilities are undermined, your sincere intent, genuine commitment and complete integrity notwithstanding.

It’s this shortsightedness that, in my opinion, could well prove counter productive and reverse fortunes of flourishing businesses. For employees in sales and customer service roles, building a steady rapport with the client fosters brand loyalty and ensures their long-term association with the business. It reflects genuine concern for customers as against a typically “salesy” attitude that reduces the customer to merely being an object to be tapped into – a stepping-stone towards achieving the golden mark.

So single minded is our focus on short-term profits that we prefer turning a blind eye to the real values intrinsic to the job at hand. If there is nothing in the deal for us, customer queries and problems are simply shrugged off or pushed behind in our agenda, to attend to “later”. So obsessed are supervisors with attaining sales goals that they totally overlook employees who may not have made a sale that day but have gone out of their way to help a customer, solve his problem by clearing his doubts in an honest, unselfish manner and earned his trust in the bargain. It is this employee who deserves a pat on the back too – as he has paved the way for client retention and brand advocacy – the true barometers of lasting success for any business.

The corporate world urgently needs to come to grips with its priorities and stop being swayed by superficial victories, which though heady and intoxicating, will never be able to replace old fashioned principles. We cannot raise the bar for profits by forgetting the larger objectives. The hare may out pace the tortoise – but only in the beginning. In the end it’s the ideals like consistency, sincerity and commitment that will most certainly drive the way and emerge triumphant.

Related topic: The ROI of the intangibles

 

I hate writing about religion

 

I hate writing about religion. Yet today I am going to tread this dangerous path. It seems to have become a passionate cause for thousands across the world – a cause important enough to defend, fight for and even kill for.

 What is religion? A set of rules that its followers swear by? Beliefs that they want to thrust down unwilling throats using any means they can? Or does it stem from an insecurity deep inside them that makes them want to control and dominate? Or better still, is it a tit for tat game pitting one’s God against the other?

How can we deceive ourselves into thinking that God really cares about our dietary preferences? Or about what we wear and how and where we worship? But have these become the parameters that measure virtue today? Whatever happened to reason, common sense and most of all compassion? Have our respective Gods too decided to do away with these “frivolous” values in pursuit of the more “important causes” that our respective religions staunchly espouse?

The crossroads that my country stands at today frightens me. On the one hand we are the world’s fastest growing economy but we are also heading towards becoming the world’s most mislead minds by mimicking radical sects that spew intolerance and hatred. Why are we as a society seeking to safeguard our culture by trying to efface others? Whether it is dictating what foods our neighbours stock in their refrigerators, whether it is allowing the caste of a person to determine who can and cannot enter a temple or controlling personal choice in matters of love and marriage – are these today the causes that are driving us as a society? Is this truly the focus of our life and the reason for our existence?

It’s a pathetically pitiable condition to be in – an insult to human intelligence not to mention the wisdom of our ancient philosophy that we pretend to take so much pride in. If religion unleashes the beast in us it is best left alone. As long as we think of religion as an identity to cling on to rather than a way to live and let live, we will never rise above all that is base and lowly – a far cry from what religion actually meant us to be – humane and magnanimous.

 

Interviews or Superficial views? Woes of a foreign candidate in a foreign land

 

That eagerly awaited interview call comes like a gust of fresh air, sparking hope and optimism anew and sending your nerves into a tizzy. You go over the probable questions for the umpteenth time, rehearse responses that would flaunt your skills and project you in a favourable light.

The D-day finally arrives and you set off dressed in your most formal business attire, trying to appear calm and professional, ignoring the butterflies in your stomach and valiantly battling all the negativity and self doubt that may have inadvertently crept into your mind.

You wait for your turn to be called in, all charged up, enthusiastically braving the challenge that lies ahead, ready to rise to the occasion, praying for just that one opportunity to prove yourself. After what seems to have been an eternity, you hear your name being called and in you go with a spring in your step and a smile on your lips hoping to ace this one and moving a step closer to your goal.

What happens after that is just a blur. You are out in a few minutes – maybe 15 at most, feeling light headed and confused. Was that even an interview? Were you even heard with an open mind? Or was every word uttered by you conveniently interpreted to align with popular prejudices? If you said you enjoyed a democratic atmosphere at work where you were free to express your ideas, did you come across as someone who was not a team player or someone who wouldn’t “fit in” with the “culture” of the organization? If you said you were new to the country did it underline the fact that you do not possess local experience and so would not be an asset to the employers?

How did the interviewer learn so much about me in just 15 minutes? Or is this what he wants to believe about me, as it makes the elimination process that much simpler? What about the talents and skills that are my greatest assets – which would have more than countered my cultural “shortcomings”? What about the unique dimension that my background would have added to the diversity of the workplace? If they weren’t looking for foreign candidates, why was I even shortlisted for the interview?

My head is still spinning from the interview experiences. I wish there was a way to let my work do the talking instead of me. But that still requires me to clear the initial rounds unscathed. And that requires me to have local experience…for which I need to get hired…how can I escape this seemingly inescapable cycle?

Any ideas or advice by someone who’s been there, done that?

 

Can you leave behind a legacy at your workplace after you have quit?

 

Quitting a job is never easy. Especially when the decision is an outcome of circumstances beyond one’s control – for example – the relocation of the family to another city or some pressing requirements on the home front.

Whatever be the reason, leaving a job that you invested your energies in and devoted so much of yourself to, can be an extremely unsettling experience.

It’s mainly got to do with the comfort zone that you have established within the workplace, and the reputation of trust and sincerity that your colleagues have come to associate you with. Letting go of all your professional responsibilities and formally handing over your duties to your successor can make even the most hardened employees a tad wistful and uncertain about what the future has in store for them.

Myriad thoughts are bound to rush through your mind during the last few weeks preceding and following your resignation date. Will you be remembered with fondness and respect? Will your contributions and accomplishments still be valued long after you have gone or will they just fade away into oblivion much like old outdated files and dusty records of the yesteryears? Will your successors give you credit for past achievements or attribute all the present problems to your tenure?

Time and tide have indeed proven that no one is indispensable. Much as we would hate to admit it – the best employees are replaceable and the most stupendous successes can be repeated – with or without you at the helm. So what do you carry with you as you step out of the portals of the job you have loved and embark on a new professional quest all over again? And, what legacy do you leave behind at your erstwhile workplace that remains testimony to your whole-hearted efforts and talents?

These were among the toughest questions to delve into when I had found myself in a similar situation a couple of months ago. After much contemplation and introspection, I arrived at some very frank and honest conclusions.

What I carry with me are my moments of success – memories of delighting a client with a task well done, of the shared joy of great team spirit, of the happiness of an article well written, of the satisfaction of targets achieved and deadlines met, and most of all, of the wealth of goodwill earned. These are mine for keeps – a treasure that needs no validation from any quarters.

As for the legacy I leave at the workplace – it is a bit of me that still lingers within its walls, which breathes in the work I leave behind. Work that makes me proud of myself and infuses me with all the confidence I need to take on the future.       Again – a treasure that needs no validation!

The undercurrents in our social media interactions – a mirror of our real world?

 

It’s almost like a taboo – something that most might never admit even to themselves – but there’s a lot more than meets the eye when it comes to our behaviour and personal interactions on social media.

Much like our daily lives have their complexities cleverly concealed underneath layers of pretentious garb, the world of social networking too isn’t without its hidden motives. It may be a virtual space but it mirrors the real world in more ways than one could imagine. It’s all about creating an image with utmost care and caution all while giving the impression of spontaneity. It’s about carefully cultivating a persona that exudes an aura of carefree intelligence when in actuality nothing could have been more deliberate and calculated.

It’s all to do with the subtle workings of the mind

The rule governing the game is one-upmanship and self –promotion and it is these two aspects that are at play when people network on social channels. Every action or inaction is governed by a motive – will liking someone’s post make that person more visible? Will a comment by me on another’s post enhance that person’s reach among my circle of influence? Does it befit me and my “image” to interact with a particular connection? There is always an undercurrent of insecurity and the constant need to maintain a positive impression among your virtual peers.

In this way every response becomes a measured step that weighs all the hidden dynamics in a matter of split seconds, before our conscious minds can even understand and register the thought process.

Status conscious hierarchies – a déjà vu?

In both – the real and virtual world, people display identical behaviour patterns, as is evident in the way they like to professionally associate with those (at least publicly) who are on an equal footing in terms of designation, authority and overall status. There are unspoken hierarchies that determine whom you would like to be seen hanging around with on social media and whom you would much rather avoid. The same old biases (race, ethnicity, social standing, age) that have been prevailing throughout the ages condition us to always appear at our practical best. We dare not challenge stereotypes for fear of taking away some of the lustre from our profiles and so we play safe in our professional networks too, publicly mingling only with those that befit our reputation.

Virtual networking then is truly a parallel world we have created for ourselves replete with all the double standards and trappings of class and position. It’s rare to find influential persons connecting with the “lesser and lower mortals” without that hint of condescension or ulterior motive.

Do we thus lack the ability to simply be ourselves without always wanting to fit into established norms that dictate our every action and decision? Do we lack the courage to be completely honest about ourselves and the world? Do we lack the guts to keep at least our virtual space what it should be – open, natural and free?

When nurturer turns destroyer

 

She shudders and quavers, jolts and shivers
And all hell is let loose
Her fury unleashed, her force unimaginable,
Nurturer turns destroyer as upon life she tightens the noose.

In a moment humanity stands humbled
Brought down to its very knees,
Our differences no longer matter, its only survival that’s paramount
Cities collapse and hearts sink as everything crumbles to a debris

By the time she calms, the damage is done
Irreversible, irreparable and complete.
Lives bite the dust and dreams wither,
Failing to withstand the fury, history too just ceases to be!

Coming to terms with the vagaries of life
Resilience will triumph and life will begin to reknit.
The tragedy spurs kindness hitherto eclipsed
Shaken and saddened, the world pitches in to do its bit

As we grieve the terrible losses,
And mourn the void that would remain forever unfilled,
The paradox never ceases to amaze – what do we inhabit?
A merciless planet or a thriving earth – luxurious and fulfilled?

Is this nature’s way to humble us into kindness
So we see each other’s worth and indispensability?
To remind us of the value of beauty and art, of peace and serenity,
So we pledge upon ourselves to steer our species towards blissful eternity!